Why do we self-sabotage?
We are programmed to think and feel in certain ways that becomes our normal way of being, our comfort zone and our personality. The way we respond mentally to the events in our environment creates our thoughts, actions and choices, behaviors, experiences and feelings. When we repeat the same thoughts, the same behaviors, have the same experiences and feel the same feelings it becomes programmed, similar to a computer program. We have hardwired our brain into a finite signature. One of the prime directives of the unconscious mind is to take the path of least resistance. So your unconscious mind will continue to run the same program and anything new or different feels challenging. You consciously want to change and your unconscious mind reverts to what it’s always done. That’s the easier route. In order to create a new reality, we need to reprogram our unconscious mind and create new habits. To reprogram our mind, we need repetition. We need to feel uncomfortable and go into the unfamiliar. If it’s familiar, it’s not new. Anything that is not new, is the same as what you’ve thought, believed, done, or experienced in the past. To realize a new future, you need to create a new program, a new signature of your brain.
You may find yourself wanting to change something about yourself and your current reality. Whether that’s wanting to go for a new career opportunity, start a new business, take things to the next level in an intimate relationship, make more money, feel more at peace, overcome anxiety and depression, so on and so forth. In order to make that happen, you have to be in a different state of being than you were before. You have to think differently, take new actions, have new experiences, and feel differently than you have before. That means going into the unknown, changing your mind, and getting out of your comfort zone. We self-sabotage because that feels hard. It can even feel scary. We consciously want these changes but unconsciously we want to stay where it’s safe and comfortable. We look for excuses not to have to go there. You could find yourself saying “I don’t have the money” or “I don’t have a way to get to the interview” or “I’m just going to get hurt so why try at all” or “I don’t have the time.” While these thoughts may be trying to keep you safe, they are self-sabotaging your goals. This is the moment where people define themselves. The hardest part of change is doing the thing anyway even though it feels uncomfortable, scary, and everything in your body might want to stay exactly where you are and where you have always been.
The beliefs, thoughts, choices, actions, and feelings that you are so familiar with become part of your personality. Your body becomes addicted to feeling the way you’ve always felt. When you start to challenge those thoughts and think differently, make new choices, have different experiences and feel differently your body craves the old feelings. It craves the emotions that you’ve become to define as yourself. When the body is not getting that familiar feeling your body starts to send a signal back to your brain that says “you’re not worthy” or “this won’t work” or “it’s not a good time to start.” If you give in and listen to that thought as if it’s true it’s going to lead to the same choices which will lead to the same patterns that will produce the same emotions – and it will feel right. It’s so easy to self-sabotage when your body is craving the feeling you’ve always felt. It’s sneaky. It’s unconscious.
There is also often baggage and limiting beliefs driving your self-sabotage. One moment when you were twelve you weren’t picked on the soccer team and decided “I’m not good enough” or “I’m unworthy.” Not being consciously aware of how this belief has driven your thoughts, choices and actions, experiences, feelings and outcomes for years you may find yourself repeatedly saying, “Why do I keep pushing intimate partners away?” or “Why does nothing I do ever feel good enough?” or “Why do I keep avoiding the actions necessary to start or grow my business?”
There may also be emotional baggage passed down genealogically or a negative response to something in your infant years that perpetuates a constant addiction to sadness, guilt, anger, hurt, or fear. So you may find yourself saying “Why do I create chaos in my life when things are good?” or “I’ll never be loved so I won’t let my guard down” or “Why am I so afraid of success or failure?” or “Why am I so angry all the time?” These emotions feel normal, it’s part of your programming, it makes up your personality. You find yourself thinking thoughts and making choices that bring you back to the same experiences and outcomes so you feel the same way you’ve always felt.
Some people may continue this cycle and wait for crisis, trauma, diagnosis, or loss to finally decide to change. You can wait until rock bottom to start the journey of healing and change or you can start now. You can change in a state of suffering or change in a state of normalcy or joy. Which will you choose?
I work with the conscious and unconscious mind to release the baggage and limiting beliefs and reprogram your mind and body to be free of self-sabotage and start making all of your dreams a reality.